I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
