oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
