I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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