I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
