We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
