even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
