dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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