I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
