Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
