Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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