I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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