wanna go halves on a baby?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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