Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
your thong is hanging out like whoa
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
