i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
