I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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