With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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