Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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