Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
