he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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