I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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