Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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