I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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