Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish you could order shots online.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
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He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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