Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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