hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
