Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
