Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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