It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
