Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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