i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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