Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
