from now on my penis is your penis
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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