I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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