I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize