She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
