No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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