i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
