you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
