he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize