This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
