I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
