i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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