I just pynch a tree in the face
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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