...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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