i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
