nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
