I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
