I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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