if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
