We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
