the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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