Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
