Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
