just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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