Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
