At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
