I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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