You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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