no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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