you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
