When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
