I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize